You know you're hardcore when... Vol. 1a

You know you're a hardcore gamer when... You name your controllers.



Fei Long who?



Controllers are weapons. They are the instruments with which we guide our heroes through unknown lands and untold dangers. When we will them to, they cause our heroes to slice, stab, block, shoot, throw and jump on our enemies heads. The controller is our intrinsic link to our avatar. With it we interact with the virtual world. We enter that world and it becomes our own for a time. With our controllers we have wielded some of the greatest weapons imagined by mankind. We have used our Buster Swords to Omnislash Sephiroth into oblivion. We have locked on to Mother Brain with our arm cannon, stolen the Dagger of Time, lashed out with the Vampire Killer and buried the Master Sword hilt deep into Ganondorf's forehead.

Aspirin ain't gonna help dude!

We have controlled lightsabers, glaives, chakrams, crossbows, grenade launchers and explosive briefcases. We have done this and more. We have vanquished the darkness, rescued the princess, restored broken timelines and saved the planet again and again. We did it all, with our controllers.

Warriors rely on their weapons for survival. They form a bond with them. Traditionally, there have been many cultures whose warriors have attributed names of honor to their weapons. Once dubbed with a title, a weapon became more than a lump of metal hammered into the shape of a sword. It became it's own entity. When these weapons were used to accomplish heroic feats in battle they would grow in fame or infamy alongside the names of their owners. Their legacy would expand and some would evolve into legend. Look to examples like Excalibur and the Masamune.



  

Why should we not then also place a name upon our own weapons? Are we gamers not also warriors? Certainly many of us have performed our own heroic deeds within the hallowed halls of gaming. Is it not appropriate for us to honor our weapons in this way?

Through the years I have had a few controllers which have served me well and which have been placed within a ring of honor. Since the reign of the N64 and PSX I have chosen one controller, one weapon to be my companion for each system I have owned. Here are the weapons which have served me so faithfully through the years:

1) N64 - 'The Dragonslayer'  

Notable Feat:

Became the hands of 'Marina Liteyears' in the obscure 'Mischief Makers' developed by action game experts Treasure Ltd. In the game, Marina would "Shake, Shake" anything she could get her hands on. This included enemies, static background objects and even screen filling bosses. After giving them the shakedown, the objects in her hands would transform into useful items like gems which helped boost your score and earn a higher rank at the levels end. The game contained some very well executed and satisfying platforming segments along with over the top boss battles as Marina shook her way forward in an attempt to save her master Dr. Light, er... I mean Dr. Theo from the attacks of his evil twin brother.

2) PSX - 'The Glaive'

Notable Feat:

Transformed itself into the ultimate weapons for Cloud, Squall and Zidane in Final Fantasy 7, 8 and 9. Final Fantasy has always contained it's share of secret hidden weapons and items. Final Fantasy 6 allowed players to find the 'Atma Weapons', lightsaber like swords that started off short in stature but grew visibly longer and more powerful as the player grew in experience points. There were two hidden in the game and if you were smart or lucky you'd find them both. The secret 'Genji Gloves' allowed a character to perform a full physical attack twice over. Equip these on a character that already possessed the ability to strike twice per turn and do the math. 2 strikes x 2 swords x 2. Yeah, you could get 8x 9,999 hits with one press of an attack button. Things really blew up though when the PSX Final Fantasy installments came on to the scene. The games contained a secret ultimate weapon for each character which could only be found after completing specific hidden requirements. (Plant a pepper in the ground on the overworld map in the exact location where an island had disappeared at some point earlier in the story.) For those who had the strategy guides, or who had looked up the process in the most recent gaming mags though (the internet was still a baby), the extra effort really paid off. Players were rewarded with some of the slickest, most aesthetically pleasing weapons yet placed in a videogame. They gleamed with 'cool' factor. Players became so enraptured with the likes of the 'Ultima Weapon' and the 'Lionheart' that companies actually began developing real life replicas of the weapons and are making a merry mint selling them to this day, over a decade later. The ultimate payoff? 'Ultima Weapon' omnislashes always ruin Sephiroths day. (He never had anything on Kefka anyway!)

3) Gamecube - 'The Dark Knight'

Notable Feat:

Morphed into a futuristic alien designed arm cannon in 'Metroid Prime'. The Gamecube had a beautiful controller. Nintendo has always been the masters of designing the most effective user interface when it comes to controlling videogames. It is well known that they introduced analog control and force feedback to the home market with the N64 controller. With Sony upping the ante with 2 analog sticks on their 'Dualshock', what did Nintendo's Gamecube Controller provide that was new from a control perspective? Perhaps the most important trait of all. Immersion. The Gamecube controller was so ergonomically designed that game magazine and website editors claimed, 'It melts in your hands.' When playing the 'Cube you would forget you were even holding the darned thing, effectively removing any walls between you and the game and helping to boost the players suspension of disbelief. This immersion came into spectacular effect in 'Metroid Prime'. Drenched in atmosphere, the controller became a perfect extension of the player, just as Samus' arm cannon was an extension of her. You were really there behind the visor. You were alone. The planet was huge. You couldn't go home. Everything wanted to kill you on your way to the very core of the world itself. Precision design of the controller and flawless execution of design by the development team meant the only thing limiting your success was how fast the impulses could make it from your brain to your thumbs. Plasma bursts fired off towards their targets as fast and with as much control as you were able to deliver them. You could almost feel the energy swell in the tendons of your arm every time you charged up the cannon prior to firing. When you died, you knew it was because you sucked and not due to any inherent fault of the game. That my friends is a beautiful thing in game design. The game and controller were a match made in heaven, and they were hell for any slimy or spiky thing that decided to crawl in your way.

4) PS2 - 'The Seahawk'

Notable Feat:

Turned into a... keyblade? What the heck is a keyblade? At the time it was so new and... weird. A key that was a sword... that was a key... But it didn't take long for us to figure out that this key unlocked the door to some seriously awesome adventure. Kingdom Hearts swept through all of our living rooms like a tornado. We never saw it coming and we would never be the same again. Final Fantasy plus Disney? Yeah... that could work. All of a sudden anything was possible in gaming and gamers minds went wild with dream matchups they longed to see in future installments and in other series. In my opinion the battle sequences were a little too repetitive in Kingdom Hearts but the game more than made up for that with artistic design. While Sora was slicing his way through heartless he was also unlocking the door to our hearts and making himself comfortable there. C'mon admit it... you want more! Where is Kingdom Hearts 3 already?

5) XBOX - 'The Gauntlet' 

Notable Feat:

Okay, so I am going to avoid the obvious choice of mesmerizing you with some story of great conquest in Halo multiplayer sessions. Yes, 'The Gauntlet' did become my plasma sword, with which I was pretty epic in battle. Yes, everyone hated me for always locking on with said plasma sword. But let's showcase another, perhaps more formidable transformation taken on by the old controller 'S'. Conker: Live & Reloaded. Who could forget the day when we finally stumbled into that forsaken cavern. A scent that was just out of reach wafted through our nostrils. The door closed behind us with a wet 'plop' and rising from the depths, with a voice that bellowed resonant and strong came... an opera singing mountain of fecal matter! Looking down at our hands in despair we noted that our weapons had melted away and taken the shape of a roll of Charmin. What to do, oh what to do? Well we learned quick or we died. Clog that sucker and make him shut his waste trap. Who could forget the song first heard years before on the N64? With such thoughtful and articulate lyrics such as, "Oh yes, I am the great, mighty Poo, and I'm going to throw my sh*t at you!" Yes, the battle would haunt us for years to come as would the memory of the day that our XBOX controllers took on the form they were always truly meant for... laying in waste! (Mua-hahahahah! Suck it Microsoft) Although I've heard rumors of gamers who would actually sneak back into that filth laden cavern to rise the dark beast again from his slumber not to fight him but rather, allegedly, just to hear him sing. Sickos! If you wanted to hear crap you could always just sit through a Sony press conference. (Double Mua-hahahahaha!)

6) Wii - 'The Masamune'

Notable Feat:

Slaying a screen full of enemies with one fell swoop in 'Arc Rise Fantasia'. 'Arc' is a traditional RPG for the Wii created by some of the key designers from 'Tales of Symphonia' along with the people behind 'Luminous Arc' for the DS. The game snuck it's way over here from Japan with a somewhat shoddy localization and missing one release date after another before finally being released. When it finally did come out, players complained about the voice acting saying it was some of the worst they had ever endured in a game. Truthfully, the actings not as bad as people have made it out to be. Yes, some parts make you cringe but overall the acting is just... average. Now, having got that out of the way, everything else about this game is awesome! The character designs are great and they are skillfully drawn with a traditional anime flair. The music is composed by Yasunori Mitsuda of Chrono Trigger and Chrono Cross fame and is EXCELLENT! The gameplay is your typical JRPG design of story, level, story, level , boss, rinse, repeat but for fans of RPG's that is a good thing. The graphics are colorful and varied. The dungeons are in 3D and every one you visit carries it's own unique style which helps keeps things fresh in this 70+ hour journey. What really carries the game though is it' over all art style. Equipped weapons are presented 'on character' during battles and there are a TON of weapons for each of the characters in the game. Also, weapons gain experience during battle and can level up, unlocking new skills and abilities which can in turn be used to further customize your characters. The game contains Final Fantasy style summons which you can call forth to aid you in battle and they are presented with an impressive amount of detail considering it is a Wii game. Attacks are carried out in an over the top fashion which makes the game shine even more. One example is the 'Ignition Beat' attack which can be pulled off by the main character. When executed, the hero raises his sword into the air where it suddenly bursts into flames. The flames become a pillar of swirling fire reaching to the heavens. After shouting out a taunt to the enemy "You ain't running from this flame. No way!", the hero pulls the fiery vortex down with all his might where it crashes upon the heads of his enemies dealing massive damage, multiple times to every enemy on screen. Quick end to the fight. Every character possesses several of these types of attacks and they learn more as they continue to level up. Over all, I highly reccommend the game for JRPG fans as it helps to fill the void of RPG's that are missing from the Wii's library. Remember, your controller is your weapon so raise that Wii-mote high in the air before bringing it crashing down on the heads of your enemies!

So what say you, fellow adventurers? Have you ever honored your controllers, your weapons, in this way? If so, share their names and legacies with us in the comments section so that your exploits might grow in fame and reverence. If not, what are you waiting for? Begin the tradition for yourself! After all, if the master respects the sword, the sword will respect the master. What's that? It's crazy? Perhaps it is... but you have to be a little crazy to be hardcore!

-The Nintendo Sage

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Update: New Controller added into the ring of honor!

 

 

Hello Everyone! So I just purchased the classic edition of Goldeneye 007 for the Wii and it came with this beauty of a classic controller pro! I am dubbing it 'The Master Sword'. It is now my official Zelda virtual console controller!